Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
