dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
