My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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