i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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