This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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