i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
