The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
