She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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