make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
