Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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