She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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