hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
