I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
