I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
