My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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