I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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