4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
