ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
