My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
