Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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