My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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