it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
