At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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