Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
please come you make the beer taste better
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
