Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
