he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
