I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
