hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
