If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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