matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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