The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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