it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My vagina is officially offended.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
