I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
