Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
