She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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