When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
