Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
