Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
