Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
