he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
