Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
