I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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