i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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