Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
