Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
