I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
