Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
