Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
4 words: hood of his car
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
