I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
