Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
