i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
