why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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