I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
