He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
