It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
